2010-09-23
feast your ears on this spin doctors mix!
All these entries have been percolating in my mind, building as the hours pass and deflating just as quickly as I neglect to write them down. More about loneliness and disconnection. About leaving my job of over two years and shedding real tears as I hugged my boss tightly, my right hand clutching the handle of a large paper bag, filled with thoughtful and brightly colored gifts he had purchased in a whirlwind spree. Feeding my poor blind goldfish for the last time after typing out instructions for his care. Deleting all the hilarious photos and personal junk I have filled my "Anna" folder with over the months. I left a container full of organic yogurt in the fridge by accident. This is beginning to feel like the beginning of a eulogy for my life in santa cruz. And so be it.
Though things usually come in threes, this time it was a couplet of wise child haikus. First, a golden haired girl with a bright sundress on a pink face stained with tears. Elbow deep in a trashcan, her mother pulled her away. She wailed, �people are always wasting beautiful things!� Days later, night has just fallen with its deep indigo pulled over the horizon like a blanket. With a whir of rubber tires and gravel pings, I gain speed under the bridge, peddling furiously towards the unlit path before me, tall grasses swaying imperceptibly on either side. Wilderness. Ahead I hear giggles and see conspiring young girls on two-wheelers, stopped. They look right at me and warn, �watch out, there�s a faker back there.� Behind them a toe-headed boy is collapsed dramatically beneath his slightly smaller bike, his dusty features drawn into the slightest hint of a smile.
Nine days ago I was on the plane to Toronto with richie and tubby curled side by side in their sad, grey carrier in the baggage compartment below. That morning I had rubbed soap over myself in the shower and my heart sang with excitement and crimped with pain, anticipating even then my return trip home (to santa cruz). It is better than I expected. Knowing I�ll be back for Christmas makes me unimaginably happy and made my deaparture bearable. Nary a tear was spilled, though they threatened for sure. Knowing my mom is able and willing to care for the kitties is the best gift I could have asked for and she has no idea the extent of my gratitude. Knowing I have people (lots of people) who care about me and want to be near me and are grateful for my existence is another gift. One I won�t soon forget.
Home was the best as it always is. The second I landed I felt whole. Whole, wow. Its what I long for in sc. Anyway, a flash of clarity in the security (ps holy shit was I worried about my �keeper� during the fucking xray machine or whatever the hell that junk was) and then again as I took my seat made me reconsider the reality: I am moving to California! Sure I already lived there, but what is stopping me from a fresh start? Absolutely fucking nothing. So bring on the crazy excitement and eager nervousness. Bring on the new life.
But first the old one. I landed and before I even hugged Adrian, realized we were wearing � head to toe � matching outfits. Jays hats, blue lumberjacks shirts, jeans, navy shoes. Brother! How I miss him so. We piled into the car and after a few wrong turns (ha!) were speeding homeward, bowl in hand. Some tasty pasta and a coke later and I was really home, sitting with my two favourite humans as my two favourite felines found the dustiest corners of the house and settled down for their first nervous night. The next day I met saira first thing at body blitz where we luxured, hung out with coura who I ran into there for the SECOND TIME IN A ROW! Haha, then shared some tofu samosa�s at ed�s before I walked home with a gandhi�s roti and completed my torontofication, inside and out. Thus began one of my more intense weeks for eating (yes, I am also full of shame), during which I also enjoyed a calzone, lick�s burger, massimo�s sarah�s falafel, greg�s roasted marshmallow ice cream, ghazale�s samosa and several giant cups of tim horton�s. somewhere in there I found and bought the best of david Sedaris audio for mom�s birthday (she is going to love it!) and got a very short haircut (feeling meh to fine about it).
Reason for return was the �ding as Adrian took to calling it and though the dresses were indeed the most atrociously hideous garments I have (no lie) ever laid eyes on and though they legitimately lowered my self-esteem level considerably, fun times were nonetheless enjoyed by all. Me, moms and the dude had a (very expensive) three bedroom cabin, which became weed headquarters very quickly. The groomsmen were hilariously unexpected and made me love marco a little bit more. The landini brothers most definitely remind me of the brothers from the Darjeeling limited. One of them is even named Adrian and is a tall, lanky fellow with an attractive and distinctly European nose. Rain moved the ceremony inside, but who really cares? I had a fun time dissing the horrible food and service and even more fun dancing with all the awesome revelers, including graham visiting from montreal and greg Collins, with whom I have actually managed to craft a neat little friendship finally. Sadly absent were saira and thom, but the experience was made regardless and I have no regrets.
Got to see matt mckenzie super briefly as our traveling karma seems to have aligned itself once again. Last night I held court at amnesia and also saw evely, shaunna (oh how could I have forgotten the best ding mem ev�? My christning as AWOWW! Amaze), greg, alexico, goldie and dane of all people. He came over to pet the boys and continued to shirk any and all responsibility for them. Absent sadly was bossy and I didn�t get to see Amanda, Rachael or Robbie. Good think I�ll be back. Just not enough days in the week, there aren�t. Hmm, what else to report? Saw dad who invited me to cuba in December! Should try and make that work!!! Would love to pen some poetry about the city and how it makes me feel. Misty canopied streets, pom pom bursts of vibrant gold and apple red, the fortune cookie factory and constant chatter of songbirds.
I love my family and my home.
Good lord how could I possibly have forgotten the glorious day spent with mom and saira at black creek pioneer village yesterday?!?!? Beginning with a delicious mushroom, spinach, red pepper and Gruyere frittata (cooked the mushrooms properly and they were some of the most delicious bites of my life!), homemade herb rolls and thom�s homemade pear and rhubarb pie, the day was wonderful from the start. Thom and saira were excellent company and the morning promised Ontario blue skies with puffs of stark, white clouds and a sprinkling of autumn leaves, bursting forth from green forests. We visited the tin shop, received a full informative session about freemasons (weird!), visited the print shop and I ate an apple I picked from a tree. We paid $4 each for a beer tasting, which turned out to be an hour long personal tour of brewing in Canada and the brewery at the village. It is an 8 barrel operation run by a guy who is over the moon to be doing that for a job. We tasted an IPA, maple brown and porter and each were cloudy, unpasturized brews you could buy per growler. The man also grows hops on the property and made a (unfortunately not yet fermented) wet hop ale, which is among the most rare brews there is. Incredible! He said it may be the only brewery of its kind in north America, which I wholeheartedly believe. Magic. On the way out, we stopped at the gift shoppe where saira and I got matching wooden pendants (mine has a bird silhouette and hers an owl), we all got stick candy and tiny maple candies and I bought a fake coon skin cap, which is my new favourite item. I wore the hat with my black dress, Capri jeans and matching fur purse to amnesia last night and loved life.
Also fuckin kevy boy and kimmie, running into yas on the street and, finally, a tremendous sense of relief at coming home to a mostly packed and (yes) kitty-free apartment that I will never have to see again!
tinteardrop at 12:14 a.m.