2011-03-04
blanket of melancholy
is how i feel. one of those irritating, heavy wool ones that chokes me like lead and scratches my cheeks bright pink.
i was biking to work and feeling angry at the world. tired, weighted down. i think it has a lot to do with too much weed. but i am giving that up for lent and cannot wait. almost want to wallow in this unpleasantness until then so the effect is that more regenerative. restorative. i need more (and better) brain function, calm, of a sense of self-worth.
am busy busy and surrounded by people, but feel more alone and more alone. wondering if my talents for adaptation and friendliness belie my real self and miss the mark. of friendship, love and everything else. if nobody knows me, how can they love me? but when i put myself "out there" (as with the dating website) and really let it fly...there is nothing. not even crickets.
blea.
lorraine is a fucking bitch. she is so negative and is really getting me down. she just sent the stupidest email asking me for $4 i owe her in a very "poor me, i'm a poor teacher" tone. fuck her.
now i just feel wretched. wish i wasn't here. wish i had someone who got me. what else is new?
tinteardrop at 9:52 a.m.