2008-06-27
high tide or low tide
i was in a half-haze of sleep last night when i felt shayna snuggle up behind me and give me a tender little kiss on the neck. i slept some more then felt her stroke my hair a little. it felt good but i'm not sure if it was sleep confusion or affection behind it all.
i'm sitting in my moms chair outside where a lot has happened lately. toni was sitting right here when she opened up and told me how fucked up she is about girls and how even though she really likes me, she can't do anything like that. i told her my side; that i'm not really even into girls, but for some reason i really like her :)
she called me california girl and asked if i wanted a wife in toronto. i said i would marry her in a heartbeat and so it is! my heart is now churning with love(d); that live hum of a full heart and all it's potential. i still want to kiss her and see how freckled her boobs are (she also has surprisingly shapely, feminine feet...who knew?), but that's not the real important stuff. now our weird, awkward love has a meaning of some kind...and now i get to feel lucky and smug and proud and stoked to be so close to each other <3
we sprinted home from the island on skates and shrieked through fountain spray and wet grass. gazed in awe at the psychedelic cn tower rainbow and made a rock garden on the beach. i walked her home and held her tight, then held my breath the whole way back.
shaun is back too and giving me insight into my particular pheremonal reactions. all previous making out aside, i think i am truly, hormonally attracted to him and his masculinity!! obviously our love is as deep as the abyss, but maybe there is slightly more? we hug and kiss and touch and embrace...hard not to feel tender sparks. especially with someone who smells so good and is so beautiful.
spa'd with saira and shayna yesterday, which was incredibly relaxing and blissful. saira's body is very 12 year old girl, especially (weird as it sounds) her girl parts. maybe it's because she's skinny (i'll never forget star's rant about hohan and her skinny vagina). came home to a bbbq with peeps (!) and delicious double cheese burgers, then mooned at an adorable raccoon mom and her three little babies on the fire escape.
two days left. much to do. heart is swollen and coursing with activity.
tinteardrop at 6:34 a.m.