2008-11-02
oh and i'm actually heartbroken about roy orbison's 1988 death. i actually cry sometimes.
part three. roller derby.
i officially resigned from the league, and happily so, but it still fucking hurts.
granted i barely have time to sleep and definitely don't have enough to commit hardcore to a team, it still sucks being away from it. i'm thinking a move away from sc is pretty much inevitable at this point, so we'll see where that leads me :) i'm still torn up about fucking robin, but that may never pass. sucks to be on the humiliation tip of everything, but i tend to saddle myself up with people who enjoy taking the batting out of me on a regular basis. i try to be assertive but damn! some bitches be cruel. anyway, this is far less of a concern than say...
part four. obama.
yes i am obsessed with obama. and the 2008 election with all the trimmings. ALL. i have become so consumed in it, including a pretty grueling but amazing 4 hour shift at the silicon valley obama headquarters, cold calling crazies, and am starting to feel actual anxiety about it.
if he doesn't win, i think i just may actually lose it. and definitely move back to canada. seeing a little blond boy as obama for halloween was such a wicked highlight!
part five and the most emo of all is my increasing melancholy about being lonesome. i'm reinterpreting what i have always taken for plain old friendlessness or lack of boyfriend as a perhaps more fundamental realization that i may not be matchable. apart from my mom and brother, who are my everything, i don't really have that many soul-connection people. here i definitely don't.
i have star and shaun and alexis and kate. they are irreplaceable and magnificent. but they aren't here :(
and kind of overarchingly (in a sad way...both types of sad) i have never experienced a sex alliance against society type arrangement with anybody. that is, in almost thirty years, i have never actually felt the lightness of heart that people mistake as love. never truly melt into someone's body and feel uninhibited. never really had someone get me :(
what a shame.
tinteardrop at 1:10 a.m.