2009-05-17
gorgeously awkward yearning
its been a while since i used this diary for anything other than an obscene sexlog to document the over the top sexy explosion my life has become lately. in keeping with this break from tradition, i am going to lay on the emo like nobodys business! and of course, a lot of it is from...zackne. or zackccident. maybe zacktualization. whatever.
tonight was "pigeon's big day," pffftttttt! not like we haven't had one million of her big days before. truth be told she fucking rocked the shit out of it (of course) and of course also it was mainly due to the awesomeness of my "kittens <3 pigeon" sign i made. yes yes. anyway, she's all man crazy over her new bf, whom i like very much, but it's still kind of overwhelmed to be just a cog in the shaynamachine. the facilitator of her "big day" where mine at???
anyway. i stupidly. STUPIDLY called zack at about 8:45 after the bout was over. like i said i was going to. but fuck man. i didn't even really want him to come out, i'm just a fucking sucker.
but he IS hot! aahahahaha, omg i just never stop. today was hilar. me and bridgett hit the beach for some tasty waves and a bit of a salt crust and of course i was kind of wondering if zack would be there. so we crash around in the waves for a while, walk hither and thither through the throngs of crazies who mob the main beach every weekend. it was like the ganges, man! seriously, there were dudes in full clothes just kind of staring out into the ocean while their pants got soaked, kids encrusted with sand every which way, scarily ripped yet pale dudes with like tommy hilfiger trunx on and every possible in between. so yeah. anyway, upon our return to our towels, i realized there were two dudes playing frisbee and one of them (the one in the black "swim trunks" that are not at all shpantsy and "cool") was me zack. i awkwardly said hello to his partner bram (who didn't recognize me? wtf) and then waved at zack, fully expecting them to be gone by the time we returned from our walk (they were). if only the shame wasn't compounded by this recent episode: last night i went to zacks choir performance (which was so beautiful, i was so proud of him with his lyrics all memorized, belting it out straight from the diaphram) and after i fucking lost him completely. i felt so ditched and embarrassed after sending him a text and then a pretty emo message after. he called me today in the afternoon when i was at the corn man and invited me to play some boggle (srsly?), which i politely declined due to teh durbeez. i did call him though (remember), which i now realize is gay. though he expressed remote interest in coming...seriouslY???
i am so gay.
tinteardrop at 12:56 a.m.