2010-11-28
disciple
after a marathon chat with adrian, i have realized something pretty big. i have no discipline. none, really. haven't ever really been punished, which makes me wonder if my failure to reach some (changeable, undefined, ambiguous) potential is really just an attempt to ensure avoidance of punishment.
i am lazy too, which doesn't help. in all areas of life: schoolwork, housecleaning, teeth brushing, i usually just opt out or do the bare minimum at the last possible moment. yes, this is procrastination, but also i believe a combination of laziness and lack of discipline.
to combat these tendencies and to begin my own hokey brand of self-therapy, i propose to endeavor on a little self-discipline mish. i will (somehow - make a chart?) put myself on a program where i at least take care of the basic essentials for a healthy life and suffer some kind of consequence if i fail to do so. god willing, this will 1) improve my quality of life in terms of hygiene, cleanliness, health, etc. and 2) improve my quality of life in terms of actually being disciplined! and therefore more confident in my abilities and to accept challenges. i am hoping it raises my self worth.
time to regulate.
tinteardrop at 1:47 p.m.