2010-08-27
i should write
of course i should fucking write. always. its been too long anyway. never mind that i am feeling so supremely above it all that i (italics) actually (no more italics) called andy on my way home from rainbow room. its micah's last night and i love him so much but after glimpsing stupid andy at days and have him say goodbye to me by name. and after "dancing" with matt then witnessing the instantaneous collapse of our dance vibe by the eye-meeting seduction of the half-dressed girl next to us, i was just over it. fuck those guys. anyway, it was with serenity and extreme detachment that i walked home alone. sort of hoping i would run into him. i think i would be ok with having a drink and finally speaking after over a year.
but instead i heard an irritatingly chipper and "cute" message on his stupid machine and left it at that. i tried right? fuck it.
otherwise life is moving along. i spent all day yesterday meeting prospective roommates. i started in san francisco with shila and an absurdly ridiculous meeting up plan that involved me drinking WAY too much coffee at the borders in the fancy mall and reading the entire vendela vida book on girl ritual. it was pretty good, but definitely seemed to lack a very significant slice of actual importance.
learned today that simon has a girlfriend. i'm a little sad, but actually pretty stoked for him. you go glen coco! coco is a cute name. note to self.
shila was awesome, but totally discouraged me from thinking about city living. too expensive, bustly etc. if i had roots there or something it would be different.
after meeting with her i made a quick jaunt to city lights bookstore off of the famed "Jack Kerouac" avenue or whatever. the douches working there were pretentious as fuck, but the store is legit. their poetry floor is. flooring. for sure. i would like to go back to lurk. a lot.
to get there i biked furiously through the ups and downs of chinatown feeling fully like the biggest gangster ever without a helmet. totes stupid but whatevs. made it to the bart to berkeley and biked up towards the coop.
which was great. big house, my room would be on the third floor with a huge window and cork floors! the roommates are chill, the house has a lot of rules! but. but. man it is hard to go through the interview/interrogation process, especially with a tender ego. i kept thinking i was coming off as ditzy or too young or whatever. but i guess it worked because they have asked me to dinner on thursday and to help cook if i want. i do want! they have a hot tub and a bike garage. fruit trees, awesome parties and a community! i think in all this work towards being "Independent," i have really painted myself into a lonely corner.
the idea of a shared community/household is very appealing. so i will attend dinner, then wait and see. oh and skype with the other roommate just returning from argentina. jeal!
after that went to meet suneel, who lives in a somewhat ghetto area? maybe it was just the slow bike through the dim orange circular glow of hospital smoking benches and the grimy route under the MLK overpass, but def ghetto compared to santa cruz! he was cute. the place was kind of depressing and he kept talking about what a good deal it was!? also he basically told me he had already rented the place. this is ok with me.
so excited about berkeley coop. neighborhood is very much large, breezy, obscuring trees, school yards and calm nights. kind of moore park in toronto maybe?
toronto. only a few short weeks away (maybe less?) perhaps this will soothe my jangled nerves.
tinteardrop at 1:09 a.m.